the hike...

Yesterday we hiked Eagle Pike. It was brutal! There is no air up there! I didn't make it to the top, but the other two PgAs did. The top of the mountain is a boulder field, with all different shapes and sizes of boulders, and almost all of the ones I was choosing to step on were loose, so I was scared! And I looked around and felt satisfied with how far I got and turned around. I am proud of the other girls, but not disappointed with myself. I got a lot farther than I thought I was going to get. And I got some souveneirs that I brought home (those would be the quarter-sized blisters on each of my heels, luckily they both popped so I don't have to worry about that part. However, they are very painful to the touch, so that sucks!). That took most of the day, and when we got back we were pretty exhausted, so not much was done. I went to bed around 9:30 and it felt great!

p.s. my newest song talks about being at the top of a mountain, but lets just keep it between you and me that I wasn't actually at the very top!

dreams

Today I was thinking a lot about dreams. The first kind of dreams I was thinking about is the kind that you have during sleep. I have been having some weird ones lately. What do they mean? Do some have meaning and others not? I don't know, it just kind of weirds me out. The other kind of dreams I was thinking about is the kind that you dream for your life. The things you want to accomplish, the things that drive you to push yourself. Lately my dreams have been changing, or maybe not so much changing as new dreams are developing. And I am having trouble deciding when the pursuit of new dreams should take over the dreams you've had for a long time, if they should at all. And I also wonder if the old dreams still exist or have I had them for so long I don't really know anything different? Which dreams do I listen to?

In a nut shell, today shook some things up, and now I am more confused than I ever have been. Ah life, why can't the hardest decisions I have to make be what kind of sandwich I want in my lunch?

the snow and the moon.

I smelled snow in the air this morning. You know that really crisp smell with something else there, something clean. I don't know how to describe it, but I smelled it this morning. When we walked to the dining hall the whole valley was in a cloud and the staff was talking about snow. But alas, the snow did not come today. Soon though!

Tonight the moon is full and very bright! It is one of those nights where the moonlight casts shadows and you don't need a flashlight. I remember these kind of nights at the camp I worked at in Wisconsin. It was so peacefully, and the night seemed less scary when the moon was that bright. It is so bright tonight that it is out-shining the stars, which is pretty hard here since we are in the middle of nowhere and have no light polution. All I can say is that it is spectacular and I feel blessed that I get to experience this!

the lost song...

I had the day off today. The first order of business was to sleep in! I relaxed in the morning and then went into Canon City for my bridesmaid dress alterations. It made me really excited for the wedding! I miss home a lot this time. I miss the comfort of knowing where I fit into the puzzle. But I won't grow without some change, so this is a very good thing for me. I am praying for some leadership opportunities to open up, and doors to open that will allow me to use my gifts here.

I also wrote a song today. I was feeling inspired by some things I wrote when I climbed up to Rainbow Lake, so I sat down and played around on the guitar and the song came. That's how it usually works for me, all at once. Usually there are a few revisions I make after some time, but mostly it comes all at once. Sometimes I am grateful for that, and sometimes I am not. I am gratefule on days when it happens because I feel I am one step closer to a dream; and on the days that I have writer's block I get frustrated. When I was a senior in college I heard that the primary songwriter for the band Switchfoot writes a song everyday. Now obviously they are not all winners, but some of them HAVE to be for him to write that much. So I decided I was going to do that, it lasted about 4 days and then I was stumped. Music may be a talent for me, and I may be able to write songs (only those who have to like them have told me they are good!), but I guess I have to live with a different technique for writing. Well I played the new song a lot this afternoon, refining certain areas and words, thinking that if I played it just one more time I wouldn't lose the tune. I played it one more time and after talkng with a good friend on the phone for awhile decided to watch a movie. I came back to play it again to make sure I had it, and it was gone. I can't find what made it work. Hopefully I will wake up in the middle of the night and it will come back to me (most of the time it does). I really liked the song and it made me confident in my ability to be not just a singer/songwriter, but a good one. So pray that it comes back!
I am planning on doing some research about possible places I could play; coffee shops, open mic nights, talent shows? We'll see what comes of it.

today's activities

I am not quite sure what to write today. Whether it be what I was thinking about or what I actually did. Maybe for a change I shall write the activities of the day. We had two confirmation retreat groups here this weekend, but only one stayed until this morning. However, Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran Church from Canon City came up and had an outdoor worship service in the Pavillion. Usually it is pretty nice up here, but today was chilly and windy, so it was an interesting morning. I don't think the congregation was quite expecting the weather. But we brought down coffee and hot chocolate and all was well! After the service was a barbecue. The cook here is so good, I am eating so much! I need to learn to control my intake! We had barbecue chicken, rolls, fruit, veggies, beans (not so much my favorite), and delicious brownies for dessert! Yum! We had 16 people go through the circuit high ropes course. I helped with the extractor (the last element of the circuit is a zip line, and the extractor is an elevated ladder that they need to get down, however there is a complicated process of how to attach them to another rope and pull them to the ladder. Well, it isn't that complicated, but it makes me feel better about my job!). It was a full day, and we earned the much needed rest. We have a group of seniors coming in tomorrow, and we hear that they are a lot of fun! We shall see.

disconnect and bees.

Yesterday and today I have been thinking about disconnect. There are things I know with my head that would change everything if I knew them with my heart, but for some reason there is a disconnect between my head and my heart. Likewise there are things that I know with my heart that I don't think with my head, there is no logic or reason, I just know them with my heart. Again there is the disconnect between my heart and my head. I would rather the latter situation, but lately I have been finding myself in the former situation. I don't know how to get back and find that connection. I could use some prayers if you are willing!

On a less serious note, I have been banned from my room by the wasp that now lives there. I am too scared to kill it, and it is resisting the sweets that I am leaving out to lure it out of my room. So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight!

fear...

So today I was thinking a lot about fear. We had a group come up to camp to do our high ropes circuit, and the two staff running the course said it would be a perfect time for us to get up there and do the circuit too. I looked at the first element of the course and thought that there was no way I would have been able to do it. First you have to climb up the ladder, and then walk across a log without anything to hold on to (all in a harnesses and stuff, of course). I thought that my legs would be shaking so bad because I was scared and I wouldn't be able to balance. Maybe by May I will get up there. I am also pretty afraid of the dark, I know, a little weird, but nonetheless I am. And I was thinking about that as I was hiking this evening. I was confident that I left with enough time to get back before dark (and I did), but there was that 'what if' thought in the back of my head (however I did have my head lamp, a knife, and some matches, so I would have been fine! please don't freak out mom, people knew where I was). I don't really know where I am going with this, only that I don't want those fears to hinder me from doing some great things.

There is still snow on the top of the mountains, I have to get up there before it gets too deep!

winter is in the air...

This morning there was snow on the peaks! Exciting! It is starting to get pretty chilly here at night. I am excited for winter. I know some of you may think that I am crazy, but the crisp air is just refreshing to me. Maybe I will write a song about it.

Genesis 9:16

Today it rained all day! There were brief moments of sunshine, but not for very long. We didn't hike Eagle Peak today for that reason, but we are going to try again next week. There was a spectacular rainbow that appeared during one of the breaks, I tried to capture it on film but it still doesn't do it justice. I wanted to share it with you because it made me think that if we didn't get the rain I wouldn't have gotten to see this rainbow. No one else at camp saw it, it was a gift for me! It also reminded me of God's promises; He will never leave or forsake me, and He will always love me. And that's what I needed to hear today.
These are the three Program Assistants for this winter retreat season. I hope you all recognize the one on the right. The one in the middle is Sarah and the one on the left is Jenny. These are who I live with. This was on a bowling excursion in Westcliffe (20 minutes away).

a good day...

Today was a good day. I visited some family friends in Colorado Springs, it was such a blessing! It is funny how a couple hours with certain people can energize me so much, maybe less funny and more great! The Springs is about a 2 hour drive from camp, and yes I drove there and back in the same day. It sounds like a long drive, but the drives here are absolutely gorgeous! I just take in the scenery (without taking my eyes off the road of course!) and get to relish in the solitude. It's good thinking time, good praying time, good singing at the top of my lungs time, and definitely good day-dreaming time (again without taking my focus off the road!). I think it is healthy for everyone to get away from the hussle and bussle of society and retreat to a place with unreliable cell phone service, where the stimulation comes from creation and the vibrant colors of the sunrise or sunset over the mountains (or the horizon if you don't have mountains where you are), where the night sky is lit by stars, and the sky is big enough to hold all of your dreams and more. Sound good? Let me know when you are coming to visit!

Lottery winner!

Today was a pretty relaxing day. We did some office work in the morning and then had the afternoon off. I opted to take a nap and it was wondful! I am working on my 37th and 38th books of the year (the goal is 50), and I was doubting if I would get to 50, but I think with the time off here and the relaxing atmosphere, I will get there.

As we were setting up dinner tonight and waiting for the golfers to get back, the question thrown out was: If you won the lottery ($320 million with a take home of $200 million) what would you do? I said that I would go to Africa and feed starving people. Is it bad that my first instinct is to leave and help others? No offense to my family, I am sure that I would make certain that everyone was taken care of. And then I thought about investing in a camp or an urban ministry and paying off college loans and buying recording studio time so I could make a CD and many other things, cause holy cow, $200 million is A LOT of money, I am sure I could do all of the above and more. What would you do if you won the lottery?

help me get a library card please!

As many of you know, I love to read! I am always reading a couple books at a time. Well, since we drove out here, there was limited space for books. Luckily Westcliffe (about 20 minutes away) has a great library. However, there is a catch. In order to get a library card I need to bring in a piece of mail addressed to me at the camp address. So if you would be willing to send me a card, or heck just an empty envelope addressed to me so that I can get a library card, that would be great. Here is my address:
Jess Swanson
Rainbow Trail Lutheran Camp
PO Box T
Hillside, CO 81232

(If you are interested in sending a package, which I won't turn down, UPS needs the physical address: 3056 CR 198 Hillside, CO 81232).

high altitude, you gotta love it!

Well actually, you don't have to love it, and frankly I didn't love it yesterday. Here is my math equation for the week: high altitude + lungs and blood used to low altitude + hiking up hill = perpetually out of breath! We had a day off and decided that we would hike up to Rainbow Lake, it is about a four mile hike there and that means it is a four mile hike back. The way up I was out of breath for two and a half hours and the way down my feet and knee hurt. But boy was the view at the lake beautiful (the picture above is there). We ate lunch and spent about an hour relaxing and reading. I was sore today, which is to be expected when you get to be my age! And even though it was hard going up and painful going down, on Monday we are planning to go 3 miles farther than Rainbow Lake, up to Eagle Point (14 miles round trip). I know it sounds crazy, but I have to peak a mountain (even if it isn't a fourteener, that's colorado lingo for a mountain between 14,000-14,999ft, try to use it in a sentence today, it's pretty fun to say!).

On a different note, our retreaters came this evening, it is a Men's Golf Retreat, so pretty much we are KP because none of us golf. I am sure it will be fun to eat meals with the guys and hear stories about their lives. There was a group that drove 500 miles to be here this weekend, that is what I call a desire to retreat into the mountains and a dedication to golf!

I am feeling blessed this week!

p.s. thank you for all the comments you are posting, I love to read them and it makes me smile to know that people are actually reading my blog!

Two things...

There are two things on my heart today that I want to share.

1. I really missed my brother today (I do every day, but especially today). Today we went into Canon City (pronounced Canyon) to get off camp for awhile. While we were in town we went to the Executive Director's daughter's cross country meet and then to his son's soccer game. I grew up going to soccer games because my brother played, and tonight just made me miss him a lot. So Ben, if you read this, I love you and miss you (and I can't wait to see you in November!).

2. I want to be a risk taker. Not necessarily the extreme sport kind of risks, but the the bold faith/life choices kind of risks. Looking back on how many times I have left home or gone on trips where I didn't know anybody makes me think that I am one, but I want to be even bolder. In 'Ruthless Trust' by Brennan Manning he writes "To live without risk is to risk not living....only the disciple with an unfliching trust in God will dare to risk," (21). I want to be that. I want to have an unflinching trust in God and I want to take risks because of that trust. What risks have you taken lately?

another new skill...

It seems that every day I am here I learn something new. Sometimes it is little things and sometimes it is bigger things. Like today I learned how to drive a manual trandsmission and use a log splitter! I am certainly expanding my horizons.

and the forecast is....snow!

Thig morning we got to go to church, which is going to be rare for us. Since we are retreat hosts and retreats usually fall on weekends, that means we won't often get to go to church on Sundays. So we talked with the staff and found out about a couple churches that we could try. We decided to try the Valley Bible Fellowship, it was pretty good. Well, the site manager and his wife live in the town that church is in, so we decided that we would wait for them to get out of church so we could spend some time with them. We went to a coffee shop in town to have some good stuff and pass some time. As we were sitting in the coffee shop we overheard a conversation forcasting snow in the 'highlands' (above 8,000 ft, camp is at 8,500). We haven't seen it yet, and if it happens in the middle of the night it won't stay, but it just makes me smile thinking about snow. However I want the cold to stay away for at least another week so that I can peak Eagle.

While we were hanging out in Westcliffe, we went next door and saw the incredible artist that works with wood. He designe incredible furniture that is unique from anything I have ever seen and every piece is one of a kind. Incredible! We also heard of a family in the town with the last name Mullet (I want to meet them, even though none of them have a mullet).

I felt very blessed by the hopsitality of the Tarrant family, John is the site manager and his wife is Angela. She finds it to be her ministry to open her house, and she is so great. She is easy to talk to and fun to be around, so I feel blessed to be able to call their home open to me. They said we should come over anytime, and I really feel that is true and we wouldn't be intruding. I hope I can be like that, what a ministry!

Obedience...

For so long whenever I heard the word obedience I would just tense up because of the negative connotations that came along with it. But in the past 6 months I have been praying that my heart would be changed toward the word. I want to be obedient to the Lord, and sometimes it is so hard to discern His will, so I don't know how to be obedient. And yesterday I was reading from Hebrews 10, and verse 36 says "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." God blesses obedience and now I am just trusting that He will guide me to His will so that I may receive His promises. I am trying to show obedience through daily prayer and reading the Bible, which isn't something that I have always done consistently. So, I could really use your prayers as I am discerning the Lord's will for me here in Colorado and as I pray about what is next.

As I am typing this I am listening to Shawn McDonald (I find his CD to be very mellowing and contemplative), and the song "Salvation" is on, and I would like to share the chorus with you: "You are my salvation, You are my fortress, You are my salvation, in whom I trust." I am feeling led to share this with you as it is bringing tears to my eyes and I am recalling Romans 1:16 "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes."

Also, if I may change the subject, I am always adding things to the blog, so don't forget to scroll down and look at the links and pictures I have posted!

(I keep trying to type shorter blogs, but it never really works out, sorry!)

snapshot...

I thought it was about time I added a photo of me to the blog, only to find out that I don't have any on this computer. So you will just have to wait to see my pretty face until I can get a picture. Until then you can see one of my favorite photos that I took from the previous camp I worked at in Wisconsin. Pretty spectacular, huh? I was at the right palce at the right time and God took care of the scenery.

The Small Towns of Colorado...

Today we took tours of the small towns around Hillside. Let's start with the town of Hillside, don't let the map fool you it isn't actually a town, it's just a post office with a general store in it and that is it. Then we went about 20 minutes south to Westcliffe/Silvercliffe, they are towns right next to each other, but can't have one name. Anyone, as our site manager said it is fool of cooks! We had some good coffee though (actually mint hot chocolate!). They just got a tattoo artist in the town too, I might have to have a consultation with her! Then this evening we went to Salida and we had a great time. Pizza is one of my favorite foods, and they have a wood fire pizza place in Salida and it is soooo good! There are also a lot of galleries and shops with cool stuff in them. And there is a shop that sells custom made fleece, too bad most of the stores were closed, but I will definitely be going back there! Yum!

I am so excited to be here. There are so many things to do, and we can't wait to get started on the list. We just have so much to do before we get too much snow that we can't get out. But I love the snow too! I hope the time doesn't fly by too fast.

expanding my extracurriculars...

So, I was never a huge sports gal growing up. I liked to do what my brother did, and I stayed pretty active, but the only sport I stuck with was tennis, until now!

This week has been a training week for us Program Assistants. We are learning how this camp runs, and learning how to teach the various activities it has to offer, like high ropes, low ropes (well we aren't teaching them, at least I am not because I am not certified, but we will get to be around them), woodcarving, arts and crafts, and my new favorite activity.....archery, who would have thought, huh? Well, I didn't think it would be that fun, and I am not great, but once I got the feel for it I realized it will be a good way to get some aggression out. I didn't do too bad for my first attempt, and with practice I might become a regular Robin Hood. Well maybe not that good, but decent hopefully. It surprised me that I might be good at this, because when it comes to sports there aren't too many things I am good at, especially not the first time I try. So, I am excited to say that I am an archer or an archist (I don't even know what it is called, anyone know?).

Another exciting thing that we have started is developing our own outdoor ministry philosophy. It is somethig that we will work on throughout our time here, but we have the foundation pieces started, and I am excited to get down what my personal philosophy is. I think it will be hard though, because I have to focus on about 5 core beliefs and I am passionate about a lot of things, so we will see how that develops.

On being thankful...

The first retreat is over and I have finally had more than five minutes to take in what my life will be like for the next 9 months. Right now I am sitting on the front porch of the main lodge at camp, which is also my residence (there is an apartment upstairs that the Program Assistants live in), and I am looking across the valley at a mountain range that has had me in awe since coming here. I can't believe I get to wake up every morning looking at mountains (my bedroom looks out to the same mountain range).

I am currently reading numerous books, but today I have been reading from 'Sex God' by Rob Bell, and in one portion of the chapter he talks about lust and thankfulness: "There's so much to enjoy, and yet we fixate on something we don't have. This is why gratitude is so central to the life God made us for. Until we can center ourselves on what we do have, on what God has given us, on the life we do get to live, we'll constantly be looking for another life. That is why the word remember occurs again and again in the Bible. God commands his people to remember who they are, where they've been, what they've seen, what's been done for them. If we stop remembering, we may forget. And that's when the trouble comes," (pg. 74). This paragraph got me to thinking about my past and my future. Everything good that has happened has molded me into who I am, and the same goes for the bad. And I am thankful for those experiences because of where they have bought me. THey brought me to a place in Colorado where I am surrounded by mountains, where I am 45 minutes from the nearest Walmart, where cell phone service works on the front porch if it is a clear day, where it rains almost every afternoon for about an hour, where I will still get snow days even though I live just up the stairs from work, where I get to see the sunrise over the mountains every morning, and where my breath is taken away by the majesty of the Creator. And as for my future, the possibilities seem endless, and that is exciting!

Well, those are my deep thoughts for the day. I don't know how many people are actually going to read this, but thank you to those that are. Every one of you have aided in molding me into the person I am today. I love you.

baptism by fire

It is weekend number one here at camp, and wow! There has been virtually no settling in time, we hit the ground running the morning after we arrived. This weekend is our Labor Day Family Weekend, and it has been a blast! There have been hikes, high ropes course, low ropes course, parachute games, kids crafts, puzzles, and best of all S'mores!! It is a great learning experience to see how the camp is run, and there are so many people here to learn from. It is a blessing in disguise that we have had to jump right in.

There are three Program Assistants; Jenny, Sarah, and I. We are all from Minnesota, which is pretty fun, and we have all had camp experience. I think that we will get along well, however we haven't had much time to get to know each other because we have all had different schedules this weekend. So it will be nice when we have time to spend with each other. After this weekend we are told that the staff becomes pretty close as there are fewer people and a long, cold winter ahead of us!

One of the things I have decided to do while I am here at camp is hike Eagle's Peak. It is a 13,500 ft. mountain, and I can't wait to start planning the hike and get up there! It is fun to think that I have almost 9 months ahead of me here, because there is so much that I want to do. And with each person I talk with during the retreat, the list gets longer of things to do!

I will be getting photos up here soon, hopefully (as soon as I figure out how to do that). And I will try to update this as often as I feel I have something worthy to write about, or when I have some spare time!